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Wednesday, February 21, 2018

batu

stop provoking, people.

letak ko dalam kasut setiap orang..ape yang ko rase?
bukan mintak dibantu tenaga, cukup dibantu menjaga.
sebab cacat, sopak, kurap tu la keluarga sendiri.

ceritakan depan2 ape yang x kena,
bukan dicanang sane sini.
ko yang tua, contoh yang muda, dihormati sebab pangkat dan gelaran mu.
gunakan akal fikiran dan kematangan itu.

kata yang dilepas xkan boleh dipungut balik,
sekali ko lontar, selamanya jadi luka orang yang ko tuju.

kalau ko rase orang  patut hormati ko,
act like one.

biar sopak, cacat, kurap pon keluarga orang,
sekali ko hina, orang takkan diam.

kalau ko orang luar, sakit ni x parah,
tapi sebab ko yang diandalkan untuk memahami,
sakit itu lagi bisa.

jika kami tegak dikata biadap,
tapi jika tunduk kami terus diketuk,
orang tua kami dikutuk,
biarla biadap.

ko juga punya anak,
ko didik biar satu hari nanti dia akan bersama dengan ko,
bersatu hati bersama,
seperti itu juga kami.

berhenti jadi batu api,
sebab akhirnya api itu yang memakan engkau sendiri.


Thursday, February 15, 2018

my baby.

it's been nearly six months u are in my womb, honey.
it's been a great journey with u.
we eat together, we sleep together, we do almost everything together.

before u, i was so afraid to be a mom.
u make it easy for me.
just a minor nausea, and a little of back pain everyday.
lost my good night sleep because of cramp, but its okay, i've got plenty of good sleep for these past 27years.
i know, u just want to train me for longest sleepless night i will get through after u are born, isn't it?
it's an easy pregnant compare to the others..and i hope it will end great too.
lucky me to have you.

your dad always amazing.
he keeps on feeding us good food.
fulfilling on what we are craving.
little that u know, baby, u are a lot like him.
u will not get 'cranky' when i stuffed u with your dad favorite food.but u will make me throw everything out if i eat something that i love (read : ayam gunting)
well, it's good for you to be like him, cause he is a great man. he is good to his mom, and obedience. so i like u to be like him then. 😊😊😊😊😊

we decided not to know whether u are girl or boy cause we like surprises, just like when u came into our life.
one big hope that i always pray is u will be always healthy and growing well in my womb.
well, all of us pray for that obviously.

i really hope u will be born healthy and trust me sayang, u will be happy with us.just as much u make us happy.
we really can't wait to meet u soon.
promise me u will be healthy little baby. you are our little precious gift that Allah had been sent to us. and thanks for letting me experience all of these. u are a dream come true.
i love u. we love u.

dear June,
come fast, so i will get my beautiful present, since it's my birthday.
and this year i know the present will be GREAT since it's you baby!

may you be healthy and chubby till we meet soon.😆😘

Monday, November 13, 2017

new job new me

yeah. i got my new job.

bukan segempak macam angan2..tapi..at last..i'm right on my track.

as i am excited to start a new job..something happen in my belly. 😨😨😨

yeah.

I AM PREGNANT!!

surprise enough for me. as i (and Din) didn't expected it at all..and aku sangat positif mase buat keputusan nak resigned dari company lama. sebab keje baru aku ni need me to travel at least 60km (in total) from my house. not to mention terrible traffic jam (not as bad as KL but the worst in JB).

masa tu macam, it's ok. it's nothing compare to the experience i will get.

but..after 2 weeks starting my new job. and had so much fun travelling back and forth from pasir gudang to tampoi everyday(duhhh..) the UPT test took us all by surprise.



memula, aku check sebab aku ade mabuk n pening n sgt penat..so..i assume yg long journey to work takes it tolls la..aku amek MC haritu n just baring2 pagi tu sebab waktu malam je aku pening2 xlarat sgt..so..aku search kat google what is the cause.. n ofkos la 1st result die is PREGNANT. tp ak skroll lagi cube cari kemungkinan yang lain..and aku yakin ak stress..yela sebab workload aku bertambah..nak adapt ngan environment baru lagi. n meeting new people.n yeah..missing my old office.huhuhuhu.

x terlintas pon yang kemungkinan aku pregnant..

that morning sambil baring aku just macam..what if?..so aku test..luckily i have another 2 test stick yang aku beli saing2 ngan OPK test aku dulu ade lagi..(kalau xtau OPK sile check google) so amek satu n terus gi buat check.

xsampai 3minutes pon die dah naik 2 line. n line tu sgt pekat. just refer the picture. aku terus lari masuk bilik amek lagi satu..sebab i just can't believe my eyes. and it shows the same result. aku lari gi bawah amek phone and whatsapp Din. aku suspect die blom pon sampai site mase tu. sementara tggu die reply...aku search ape je sebab yang boleh buat UPT stick tu rosak. n kemungkinan test aku tu positive but actually i am not pregnant.(get it?)

n macam yang aku jangka..Din reply dengan terkejut nya..n die typing....lpas tu snyap..tp xde reply pon..i guess die pon tgh terkejut cam aku..sebab the other day die baru je ejek aku sebab aku lembik je balik keje..and aku nye respond like "entah2 saye pregnant x?" n we laugh it off. n the next day, the stick told me i am pregnant. what you expect.

aku suruh die half day and belikan aku another UPT test. so in total i took 3 tests just to confirmed.
n test ke 3 tu aku buat time tgahari (the concentration of HCG should be decrease as we drink) but the test is CLEARLY POSITIVE. so kitorang g jumpe doktor n Din still lagi xcaye..aku dah sikit conviced la dengan those test result..

n just nak confirmation ngan doktor..n doktor buat scan n approximately he/she was 6 weeks old that time.

spot the tiny dot? that's her(or him)
and..today as i'm writing she/he is 9 weeks old. so far i just got minor morning sickness that happened during night time..cause we(me and my future baby) is so manja dengan Din..balik keje nampak Din..and we give up to the morning sickness thingy. n we r so clingy and Din also..he tend to get emotional. yeah he is.

so...happy sangat plus everyone is excited since we are waiting nearly 3 years for a baby..n sangat berharap die membesar degan sihat n kuat kat dalam tu. besar baik2 so that nanti bile keluar kite bole main mekap2.(kalau pompuan laa) or bole join Din minat Chelsea sesame (kalau lelaki..hhuhuhu)


p/s : too early to tell but i think it's a girl :)
p/s/s : minggu ni buat buku pink. hopefully everything went smoothly and kite bole g jalan2 IKEA tebrau.HAHAHAHAHA

Friday, March 24, 2017

how writing help me heals


well..benda yang buat aku emosi..i've just got news from my in-laws yang adik ipar aku pregnant for her second child. happy tapi sedih. i am wondering why it's hard for us to get pregnant while others around me so easy to have that. but i know the answers.it's just not the time yet.

it's fine to be sad isn't it?

i feel it's unfair. why can't He give me one child when He can give to others?
why He can't ease my life while He can do it to others?

then..i realized..

kenape aku x bole jaga solat aku macam orang lain?
kenape aku x usaha lebih macam orang lain?

so..now, i need to stop questioning Him why i can't get what i want from Him..but start questioning why i can't be the best for Him. i guess He just want me to remember Him more before He give me what i want.

writing heals me. because i find the answers for all my inner self conflict.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

2016 : Mat's life

dah lame sangat tinggal blog..sebab ade insta..n thanks a lot for that..but..my year end review..it's been ups and downs moment this year.

so..the review is here..:



2016 : Mat's life

-the EXCITING MOMENT
the most exciting moment for me is when i knew i was PREGNANT (NOVEMBER 2016). not for long..but yeah, this year i got pregnant.mase tu sgt excited..even sekejap sangat ak rase happy (sebab aku miscarriage) but still it was the best and exciting moment for us.

-the SWEETEST MOMENT
ok. yang ni memang aku pilih masa aku keguguran. masa ni aku memang sangat sedih..n of course Din la org yang paling down selain aku..tapi..the way die jaga aku masa malam lepas balik dari buat procedure kat hospital tu mmg buat aku cair..the way die tenangkan aku..n i fell for him all over again.

-the CRITICAL MOMENT
bila adik pompuan aku bagitau die nak kawen..die inform nak kawen bulan 1..out of nowhere and she getting married on May.so..tungkus lumus buat wedding die..gosh!!

-the ROMANTIC MOMENT
the way he took care of me when i was extremely sad.

-the SPONTANEOUS MOMENT
pergi KL hari sabtu, balik ari ahad.haha

-the THANKFUL MOMENT
1st, aku dapat kerja..even x seperti yang aku harapkn..tapi..aku dah ade gaji sendiri sekarang n mampu nak tolong org lain.

2nd, akhirnya aku rasa adenya satu lagi nyawa dalam badan aku..even utk 5 minggu..n benda yang jadi change the way i live..it gave me sensitivity.

-the TEARFUL MOMENT
bila aku tengok positive UPT test, 1st time scan even besoknye aku gugur..tapi masa tu aku sangat bahagia.


-the UNFORGETTABLE MOMENT
masa aku kena buat procedure cuci rahim aku..it scares me..sebelum aku gi hospital masa dekat rumah n tandas mcd..janin aku dh keluar..so sampai hospital doktor just attend aku untuk check ade lagi x saki baki kat dalam rahim aku..
n first time i felt so embrassed sebab yang attend tu doktor lelaki plus..he is soooo young..gosh!! tapi masa tu tengah sedih..so redha je la dak...hehe

-the MOST CHERISH MOMENT
all of my time with my favourite person in the worlds!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

viral post

puasa..lagi dalm 2 minggu lagi raya..tahun kedua puasa as bini orang..tahun pertama puasa sambil kerja..(tahun lepas xkeja..ngulor je)

quite tough sebab belajar uruskan masa ngan uruskan hal rumah..balik keja pon xmenentu..so memang aku skip2 la masak berbuka..buka puasa umah mak aku..xpon beli je la..lucky me sebab dapat husband yang sangat memahami kalau aku beli je..or terlajak bangun sahur..die redha je..

hahaha..sorry.

disconnected ngan cyber world for 1 day sebab siapkan kuih raya..bukak2 je internet pagi tadi..

PAPPPP!!

who the hell is Hafiz Hamadan?!(pardon me..if i get his name wrong)
and my news feed is full with his story..

so..long story short..he is Insta-famous and have a girlfriend..and he is so lovey-dovey towards his girlfriend. so..on her 22nd birthday..he treated her to fancy dinner, white limousine ride and big rose bouquet..not to mention photographer to capture all the 'candid' moment.

and it created a huge wave of responses to all the netizen. a positive and also negative responses..

personally..

sapa yang xnak dilayan camtu dari orang yang kita sayang..rasa dihargai..n aku rasa tu hak dia la nak spent duit die camne..tapi bagi2 orang yang melihat ni..n tag pasangan masing2..ngan harapan dorang pon akan dilayan sebegitu rupa..please..please stop..
dulu..aku pon pernah rase cmtu gak..kalau bole nak dilayan camtu..tapi lepas dah kawen..aku realize yang kita ni berpijak di bumi yang nyata..bukan semua nasib manusia sama..please stop comparing your life with others..

tolongla appreciate yang ade jugak lelaki yang nak kat korang..n saba ngan perangai korang bile korang mengamuk jeles xtentu pasal..xyah nak jeles sangat yang pakwe die sweet tahap gaban..beli hadiah mahal2..sebab kita xtahu ape yang dorang pernah lalui untuk dapatkan semua tu..

ade satu post akak ni..memang betol..bile ko dah kawen..sume benda dah buat korang rase seronok..bagi aku la..dah jadi bini dia..baru ko paham cara hidup die..n lebih appreciate pakwe kita tu..sebab..dulu mase bujang ko xtau camne die keje n saving duit nak belikan ko hadiah yang ko tag..tau2 je dapat..dah kawen baru ko tau..n mase tu..serious talk..ko nak amek hadiah tu pon berat tau..

serious talk guys..sekarang ni..kalau aku kata aku nak gi hangout..bukan nak spend duit tengok wayang, makan or belanje bukan2..tapi..just nak keluar pusing round Tesco, Mydin or Jusco..bukan nak shopping tapi saje tengok barang..bile aku cakap aku nak kuar makan..bukan nak makan kat
restoran 5stars..tapi cukup belanja aku makan warung je dah buat aku senyum lebar..late night drive pon dah hepi bhaiii..nak mewah2 ni tunggu gaji masuk la..tu pon tengok berape banyak bil nak kene bayar..sikit expenses on bills more expenses on me.!!hehe..

syukur la ngan pakwe korang..aku dulu lame membujang tau..siyes LONELY!!

nah.hadam.!


Thursday, May 19, 2016

jodoh



jumpe benda ni kat FB..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

jodoh tu misteri..ko pusing satu dunia pon sebab nak cari yang lain..kalau tu jodoh ko xkemane gak.