how writing help me heals

well..benda yang buat aku emosi..i've just got news from my in-laws yang adik ipar aku pregnant for her second child. happy tapi sedih. i am wondering why it's hard for us to get pregnant while others around me so easy to have that. but i know the answers.it's just not the time yet.

it's fine to be sad isn't it?

i feel it's unfair. why can't He give me one child when He can give to others?
why He can't ease my life while He can do it to others?

then..i realized..

kenape aku x bole jaga solat aku macam orang lain?
kenape aku x usaha lebih macam orang lain?

so..now, i need to stop questioning Him why i can't get what i want from Him..but start questioning why i can't be the best for Him. i guess He just want me to remember Him more before He give me what i want.

writing heals me. because i find the answers for all my inner self conflict.