new job new me

yeah. i got my new job.

bukan segempak macam angan2..tapi..at last..i'm right on my track.

as i am excited to start a new job..something happen in my belly. 😨😨😨

yeah.

I AM PREGNANT!!

surprise enough for me. as i (and Din) didn't expected it at all..and aku sangat positif mase buat keputusan nak resigned dari company lama. sebab keje baru aku ni need me to travel at least 60km (in total) from my house. not to mention terrible traffic jam (not as bad as KL but the worst in JB).

masa tu macam, it's ok. it's nothing compare to the experience i will get.

but..after 2 weeks starting my new job. and had so much fun travelling back and forth from pasir gudang to tampoi everyday(duhhh..) the UPT test took us all by surprise.

memula, aku check sebab aku ade mabuk n pening n sgt penat..so..i assume yg long journey to work takes it tolls la..aku amek MC haritu n just baring2 pagi tu sebab waktu malam je aku pening2 xlarat sgt..so..aku search kat google what is the cause.. n ofkos la 1st result die is PREGNANT. tp ak skroll lagi cube cari kemungkinan yang lain..and aku yakin ak stress..yela sebab workload aku bertambah..nak adapt ngan environment baru lagi. n meeting new people.n yeah..missing my old office.huhuhuhu.

x terlintas pon yang kemungkinan aku pregnant..

that morning sambil baring aku just macam..what if?..so aku test..luckily i have another 2 test stick yang aku beli saing2 ngan OPK test aku dulu ade lagi..(kalau xtau OPK sile check google) so amek satu n terus gi buat check.

xsampai 3minutes pon die dah naik 2 line. n line tu sgt pekat. just refer the picture. aku terus lari masuk bilik amek lagi satu..sebab i just can't believe my eyes. and it shows the same result. aku lari gi bawah amek phone and whatsapp Din. aku suspect die blom pon sampai site mase tu. sementara tggu die reply...aku search ape je sebab yang boleh buat UPT stick tu rosak. n kemungkinan test aku tu positive but actually i am not pregnant.(get it?)

n macam yang aku jangka..Din reply dengan terkejut nya..n die typing....lpas tu snyap..tp xde reply pon..i guess die pon tgh terkejut cam aku..sebab the other day die baru je ejek aku sebab aku lembik je balik keje..and aku nye respond like "entah2 saye pregnant x?" n we laugh it off. n the next day, the stick told me i am pregnant. what you expect.

aku suruh die half day and belikan aku another UPT test. so in total i took 3 tests just to confirmed.
n test ke 3 tu aku buat time tgahari (the concentration of HCG should be decrease as we drink) but the test is CLEARLY POSITIVE. so kitorang g jumpe doktor n Din still lagi xcaye..aku dah sikit conviced la dengan those test result..

n just nak confirmation ngan doktor..n doktor buat scan n approximately he/she was 6 weeks old that time.

spot the tiny dot? that's her(or him)

and..today as i'm writing she/he is 9 weeks old. so far i just got minor morning sickness that happened during night time..cause we(me and my future baby) is so manja dengan Din..balik keje nampak Din..and we give up to the morning sickness thingy. n we r so clingy and Din also..he tend to get emotional. yeah he is.

so...happy sangat plus everyone is excited since we are waiting nearly 3 years for a baby..n sangat berharap die membesar degan sihat n kuat kat dalam tu. besar baik2 so that nanti bile keluar kite bole main mekap2.(kalau pompuan laa) or bole join Din minat Chelsea sesame (kalau lelaki..hhuhuhu)


p/s : too early to tell but i think it's a girl :)
p/s/s : minggu ni buat buku pink. hopefully everything went smoothly and kite bole g jalan2 IKEA tebrau.HAHAHAHAHA

how writing help me heals

well..benda yang buat aku emosi..i've just got news from my in-laws yang adik ipar aku pregnant for her second child. happy tapi sedih. i am wondering why it's hard for us to get pregnant while others around me so easy to have that. but i know the answers.it's just not the time yet.

it's fine to be sad isn't it?

i feel it's unfair. why can't He give me one child when He can give to others?
why He can't ease my life while He can do it to others?

then..i realized..

kenape aku x bole jaga solat aku macam orang lain?
kenape aku x usaha lebih macam orang lain?

so..now, i need to stop questioning Him why i can't get what i want from Him..but start questioning why i can't be the best for Him. i guess He just want me to remember Him more before He give me what i want.

writing heals me. because i find the answers for all my inner self conflict.