truth of regret

Ahad lpas ak gi mlawat mmbe sklas ak yg msuk hospital sbab denggi.trok gak dowh..smpai msok ICU beb..cian ak tgk dowh..msok ICU then koma lak..kitorng pon rmai2 gi r tgk..mmg la xleh nk tolng bgi die shat..tpi..dpat gak r bgi smngat kat parents die..sdey bile tgk org yg kite syg terlntar skit kat ats katil..

sbnarnye..ak mmg xbrape ske gi hospital..ntahla..akpon xpham..dlu mngkin sbab bau ubat yg kuat kt hospital..tpi xla smpi lmah kpale lutut msuk hospital tu.tpi kli ni..ak msuk je hospital..bdan ak lmah..smpai kt dpan ICU lak feeling bercmpor baur..ttbe rse xkuat lak nk msok..

yg pling wat ak xkuat bile ak terpakse tgk keadaan org yg terlntar kat ats katil xbermaya..org yg dlu shat..ceria..ttbe die skit terlntar..ak xbleh..n ap yg ak tgk keadaan kwan ak mmg sdey..tlongla..jgn wat ak kne berhdapan ngn bnde ni lgi..ak tkot..sgt tkot..

spnjang jlan blik..ak teringat kat arwah Abah.by now,da 10blan abah xde.even hdop akxbnyak berubah scare fizikal,tpi i miss him damn much..

ak ingt ag bnde yg jdi..abah kat ICU..hopelessly lie there..ak xde kat sbelah die mcm yg slalu die wat lau ak skit..mse die skit ak xdpat spent time ngn die..take care of him..it such a huge regret in my heart..yg pling worst..ak xde mse die pergi..die yg slalu ngn ak lpas mak n abah cerai..tpi bkn ak yg ad dgn die mse die nk pergi jauh dri ak..bkn ak yg tmnkan die in his last breath..knape mse tu ak blik mtrix..??knape ak xstay tnggu die??sdgkan die slalu tnggu ak..mse die dimndikan for the last time..knape bkn ak yg mndikan die??sdangkan stiap kali mndi sunat ari rye..die yg akn mndikan kitorng adik bradik..

mse die dikafankan ak still lgi dlm perjlnan nk blik ke JB..hnye ad mak ngn adik2 ak je..klu ikotkn hati ak..ak nk hnye ak yg pgang mayat die dn uruskan die..dari awal smpai habis..itu je yg mmpu ak buat untuk die thu yg ak amat syang die..slame ni ak amat berhrap yg die akn nmpak ak..syg ak..ak nk jdi rpat ngn die..itulah jgk sbab knape ak stay ngn die..even ak tau tu ssah..tpi ak dpat stay by his side through his hard time..tpi knape bile btol2 die perlukn ak..ak xde???

bnyak bnde yg ak ngn die slalu cerita..

"akak tau kn bile kite mati..bile org blik dri kubur kite lpas tujuh lngkah,malaikat dtg nk soal kite dlm kubur??nnti klu abah mati..korg jgn tggal kubur abah tau.dduk je bce yassin kat tepi"

die ckap smbil ktawe.ak ktawe.even mse tu ak pkir yg bnde tu agk mngarut.tpi mse ak tau die da btol2 pegi.ak nk wat bnde tu.tpi..ak xde..die pegi sblum ak smpai..ak hnye dpt tgk kubur die je..tnah..tnah yg kt bwah tu ad terbringnye jsad org yg pling ak syg..

tlonglah..jgn la sruh ak berdpan bnde yg sme..ak xkuat..mgkin di luar org akn ckp yg ak ni kuat..tpi xkt dlam..ak xsnggup ag berdpan ngn bnde ni..even ak tau yg tu sume khndak dan takdir Allah..ak o sspe pon mmg xdpat lari..

to anyone yg xprnh lgi mrase hilang somebody yg kite syg..bile bnde tu mkin dkat..stay by their side..always..so..when it comes n take them..kite xkn rase mnyesal..sbab..when it comes to death there is no turning back..let go.ap yg bleh kite bleh let go..sbab kite xkn jmpe..xbleh berckap lgi ngn die..sbab die akn pegi jauh dri kite..save the regret..

skang bile ak pkir blik ak pham..slagi kite tkot nk korbnkn ssuatu..kite xkn dpat ssuatu..

u win some u lose some